angry ramblings.

alright.. i'm gonna get this out here since i really don't have anywhere else to vent (i don't see my psychologist for 5 days not counting today) and bitching to myself is getting old, i probably sound like a maniac talking to myself angrily, occasionally swearing ESPECIALLY if you don't really know me as a person and what's went on in my life. APPARENTLY *OPEN BORDERS* put the beer in the driver of the car that i was in during an accident in 2002. i'm pretty sure the driver of the car that i was in during the car accident that i was in is trying to find things i say that he could use against me so he looks good in front of his sister and his wife. IF our friendship doesn't mean more to you than impressing your sister and wife- i don't even think we should be friends anymore. OPEN BORDERS did NOT force me to lose AT LEAST TWENTY years of my life AND put me in a damn coma for SIX MONTHS (i'm not positive if this is what he's insinuating (that if this country didn't have open borders- my mom wouldn't have been able to bring me to this country when i was an infant, so i wouldn't have grown up and somehow made him drink beer while driving when i was with him when i was 16, causing a car accident which injured me with a TBI and killed his friend in the backseat) but i can't think of any other reasons why he'd personally be against having open borders.. i'm just thinking he's probably trying to piss me off so i get defensive and say really angry, mean things to him because he knows i have a temper, so he can show off to his sister, wife, and mom how bad of a person i am and how he's chosen to distance himself from me)- later a wheelchair for at least 15 years of my life (the ONLY reason why i'm still not depending on one is because i'm so damn stubborn because my family (except for joe) doesn't push me to be the best version of myself (meaning as strong and smart as i can get) because it's too fuckin INCONVENIENT for them and they couldn't get attention for having a visibly vulnerable relative (people would ASSUME they ACTUALLY "support" me- i don't even remember the last time i spoke to them.. they didn't give a shit when i was in the hospital for my last surgery (JOE was the ONLY family member who acknowledged it and checked on me.. i even left my grandma's sister and her daughter a VOICE MAIL telling them i was in the hospital *crickets*). I DIDN'T ASK TO BE BORN IN MEXICO. I'D BE ON THE FIRST FLIGHT BACK IF I COULD BE GUARANTEED A SAFE, NICE ENVIRONMENT TO LIVE IN MEXICO. fuck- i'd even settle for an efficiency apartment in mexico. so just cut the bullshit. "well you don't know anyone there. how would you efficiently live there?" the people that i DO know in minnesota don't help me anymore or even associate with me anymore (for the most part)- i'm a g, i'd manage. i've established living in at least FOUR different places my whole life. seeing as none of this probably matters to amanda or the rest of my family (except joe) because having a brain injury affects intelligence (according to their "SMART" asses).. i'm more than likely just wasting my time talking about it because NO ONE GIVES A FUCK! IT'S TOO INCONVENIENT FOR THEM! you know what would REALLY help all of this? THE COURAGE CENTER. hahahah right. RIGHT AMANDA?! I COULD BE WITH OTHER DISABLED, HANDICAPPED PEOPLE WHO GO TO THE INSTITUTE DAY AFTER DAY WASTING THEIR FUCKING TIMES ON MACHINES THAT MY LIVING ROOM WALL COULD OPERATE AND CONSIDER IT "USEFUL" AND "HELPFUL"! *ROLLS EYES* CUT THE BULLSHIT. TELL ALL YOUR FUCKING IN-LAWS THAT YOU'RE ATTEMPTING TO "HELP" ME WHEN I'VE ALREADY DONE THAT BULLSHIT. I EVEN HAVE VIDEOS OF IT ON FACEBOOK SINCE THAT'S WHERE ALL THE NOSEY SOULS YOU CLAIM YOU'RE TRYING TO HELP ME GO TO LOOK AT MY SHIT. IF THEY WERE SMART- THEY'D LOOK AT WHEN THE VIDEOS WERE MADE AND REALIZE IT WAS A LONG FUCKIN TIME AGO (I SEE VIDEOS IN 2013 AND 2014.. SO THAT'S OVER TEN FUCKING YEARS AGO) AND I'M STRONGER AND DON'T WANNA BE STUCK DOING THE SAME BULLSHIT JUST TO MAKE MY RELATIVES SUPPOSEDLY LOOK LIKE THEY ACTUALLY FUCKING CARE WHEN THEY COULDN'T EVEN CONTACT ME IN THE HOSPITAL (JUST JOE DID.. NONE OF MY OTHER RELATIVES DID). I COULD'VE (AND SHOULD'VE) DIED WHILE IN THE DAMN HOSPITAL. ALL MY MONEY WOULD GO TO JAY ANYWAY, SINCE I PUT HIM AS MY CHIEF BENEFICIARY WHEN I DIE SINCE HE'S THE ONLY RELATIVE OF MINE (EXCEPT FOR JOE) THAT ACTUALLY FUCKING WORKS FOR WHAT HE HAS AND GIVES A SHIT ABOUT ME.